Facing our Fears

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Growing up, every year, there was one week that struck fear in my heart; one week that I dreaded increasingly as it approached: the week of the Speech Meet.  I don’t know about your school, but at mine, every spring, one week of the year was dedicated to giving speeches. 

It could be a famous speech, or a poem, or something you wrote, as long as it was a certain length, but regardless of what you chose to talk about, each student was required to get up in front of the class and recite their chosen verses.  Your classmates then graded you and the top students would go on to give their speech in front of the whole school at an assembly.

Public speaking was not something I looked forward to, in fact it was one of my greatest fears.  I’d agonize over choosing a speech or poem, and often chose the shortest text possible that still met the criteria.  I would do anything to get out of the Speech Meet and would beg teachers to let me write an essay, or do an extra project, if it just meant that I didn’t need to get up in front of my classmates and talk.  It never worked, and the Speech Meet was a requirement I needed to fulfill every year.

As the day approached to give my speech, I would grow anxious.  As I sat and waited for my name to be called, my heart would start to race and I would begin sweating.  When my turn rolled around, I would slowly stagger to the front of the class as my worst nightmare came true.  I would mumble out my speech as quickly as I could as my knees went weak and my mouth went dry.  As soon as I finished, I would sprint back to my desk, relieved that it was over, hoping that I didn’t accidentally do too good of a job to be chosen to go on and perform for the whole school.

How many times did I pray during that week, “God, whatever you have planned for my life, please don’t let it involve public speaking.”  We need to be careful what we pray for.

When I felt God calling me to missionary work, I quickly realized that it would require raising support, which would require some public speaking.  Initially, this terrified me, but I knew what God had called me to do, and I knew that meant facing some of my greatest fears.  However, I also knew that God would be with me and that I can lay the anxiety that I have about public speaking in His hands.

The first time I was required to speak in front of a congregation was when I was commissioned at my home church, The People’s Church in Toronto.  It was like being thrown right into the fire, as I didn’t have to do it once, but twice, as they had two services, each one in front of approximately 2000 people. 

As my name was called, I slowly made my way to the front.  It was like the Speech Meet all over again.  I could feel my knees going weak and my mouth going dry.  I quickly prayed, “God, please don’t let me faint in front of all these people.”  Luckily, I only had to answer a few questions as the pastor, Charles Price, interviewed me.  When it was over, I sprinted back to my pew, relieved.

We’re just about 10 years since that day.  In that time, I’ve had to speak at a number of churches and gatherings.   I don’t know if I’m at a point yet where I could say I enjoy it, but it certainly has become easier: my knees don’t go quite as weak, and my mouth doesn’t go quite as dry now.  Even better, since getting married last year, now I have someone who comes with me, as Linnea often helps me give our presentation as well.

Although I’ll admit, I still get a little nervous before speaking, that fear and anxiety that I use to deal with has dissipated greatly.  Now, instead of dreading having to stand in front of a group of people, I see it as a blessing to be able to share my story and about the work that God is doing in places that most people will never set foot. 

 

It has also been through this facing of my fear that God has provided for us and helped us to connect with people through opportunities to speak at churches and gatherings.  In fact, we’ve had to do a lot of public speaking lately as Linnea and I have been sharing about the ministry we do at a number of churches over the last few months.

God has an amazing way of taking our fears, or inadequacies, and using them for His glory.  I want to take the chance to thank all the amazing churches and supporters that have had us out to speak over the last number of months.  Your generosity and prayers have been an immense encouragement to us.  You have reminded us once again of the simple truth that Paul writes to the Philippian Church, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:19.

P.S. If you are interested in having us come and speak at your church or small group, please feel free to contact us.